Oh Tedious Days...

Oh tedious days....why do you irk me so? These past few days have been the most tedious... I have a research paper to redo(with major citation errors!), a scholarship essay to perfect(still don't get how to really touch the question... -_- ), financial aid to search for, loans to peruse through, and statistics to study....! ARGH! Major breakdown....and I am soo wiped out from the swim meet we had today against South Pas..
Today in stats I went over my college costs....not a pretty sight.... ok so I need about $14,000 for tuition and $32,000 for cost of living....I AM FUCKING SCREWED! I feel really bad....my dream is costing my family a fortune...they cannot provide this for me....my mom is working even harder now for me and her hard work is making me feel really bad....she is suffering for my selfish dreams....but yet I can't help but really still want to go to such an expensive place...I am in a dilemma...I know...I am a contradiction and I am really fucked in the head right now.....i just really don't know what to do....how am I suppose to fulfill my dreams and still keep my family the same financially? I really do not want to be like the other people who go to their second choice college just because they could not afford to go there but I know I should because this dream of mine is costing my family major hurt....I know that they love me so much and is willing to help me fulfill my dreams of becoming a very successful and famous fashion designer but I don't want my dreams to cost them their livelihoods. I am really fucked in the head right now....
Well....in happy news, we're making parfaits tomorrow for small business to serve to teachers....sigh....now I am very depressed....well ciao for now....